Priscilla Xu

As a novice dater, I often fall into the trap of rumination. I have little shows and dialogues that go inside my brain, and I think of every possible scenario and reason that the boy can be doing for not replying to my text.

It’s a car running low on fuel, but you keep trying to start it.

Mulling over my thoughts repeatedly is very draining, and it turned out that the psychological term for this is rumination.

It feels like negative thoughts and worrying are locking my behaviors.

The Act of Self-Blaming is a Big Barrier to Start Action

I continue to reflect on my actions, challenges, and thoughts. I get into the habit hole and cannot get out of it. I kept on blaming myself and did not know why I was doing this. It turned out that I was doing the wrong thing.

Standard organizational behaviors psychologist Dr.Kelly M. Mcgonigal introduces a study on willpower failure. In the first part of the experiment, people were trying to lose weight and were forced to eat a donut and drink a big glass of water. In the second part of the experiment, researchers gave them instructions saying that “we are doing a candy evaluation test, and you can eat as many candies as you want to find out the answer.” Between the two eating sessions,

1. One group was given the message, and we discovered that people were feeling guilty for eating guilty. We want you to remember that people occasionally indulge in sweets, and don’t be too harsh about yourself.
2. The second group had no messages

The group with no message ate double the amount of candies as the first group.

Contrary to popular belief, being harsh to yourself leads to more significant willpower failure disasters. Conversely, you will make fewer mistakes if you are kinder and more accepting of yourself.

Running away from deadlines

The second feeling of thought rumination is consciously running away from an important project.

When I first broke up, I could not even get myself to study. I was locked in my thoughts. I felt life was pointless, and I was mulling over the same ideas over and over again about why I did certain things. This is such counterproductive thinking.

It turned out that when I procrastinate and scold myself for doing it, I will be more likely to procrastinate again. When I am in emotional pain, I am most vulnerable to distracting myself, but I get into more problems.

I failed does not mean that I have a problem. It just means something was wrong with the processes; we’ll have to reflect sensibly and try again.

Repetitive Negative Thinking

Those thoughts can lead to anxiety. It’s like adding more oil to a fuming fire. We are constantly thinking about the awful experience and worrying about failure and cannot be aware of when we are doing this.

The critical difference between anxiety and depression is that anxiety feels like you’re playing with fire, and depression feels like you cannot find the exit in a house out of the fire. Anxiety is an unreasonable amount of worrying about the uncertain future. Depression is having excessively negative thoughts that lead to meaningless feelings and the inability to act.

Those two emotions are pretty standard, and they can coexist not the same person. I was one of them. This is not meaning that I was diagnosed with general anxiety or major depression. Those terms have precise definitions in the DMS.

Clinically diagnosed means that the emotions have significantly impacted the patient’s day-to-day function

If the anxiety or depressive thoughts do not intervene, they can spiral down.

We Ruminate because there is Uncertainty

Rumination happens because of significant life transitions or stress—the brain-like to think through a problem in a habitual way to solve it. However, doing this is mostly counterproductive. The brain doesn’t want to break the automatic habits to solve this new problem. It feels safe because I am denying the reality and not fixing it. I am only using my brain and not using my body to take action.

Rumination has dramatically increased because of technological and societal improvements. As AI and technology develop, Being a high-prestige dentist or doctor might not be a lifelong career if the world changes so fast.

Humans now have many big projects and complex tasks that need cooperation.

We can no longer ask the previous generation for a standard answer for choosing a career. However, the freedom of career options produces a lot of uncertainty.

Rumination seems like a new trend in uncertainty. But our brain is not suitable for this type of modern-day world.

Catching Yourself On the Spot

Rumination is a symptom and signal of an underlying problem instead of a problem to fix. When you hesitate to do something, you can slowly observe yourself from a third-person perspective and ask what your mind and body need now. Then, make the best choice that puts yourself in a better position to continue the day in a mentally healthy manner.

• Just like brushing our teeth. We have cognitive thinking habits. If you are used to ignoring your emotions are being harsh on yourself, the brain and body will be used to rejecting what the mind says. Cultivating healthy and encouraging self-talk would be the key.

Thinking is the human brain’s job. It has many benefits. But the use of this powerful brain is that the inner self-talk and images can seem like reality. It takes time to train yourself to catch yourself when ruminating or overthinking.

• Mental flexibility is changing the direction that you are running in life. It’s acknowledging that we can rest and change anytime.

It sounds easy to develop awareness and mental flexibility to those unseeable thoughts. Still, every time catching yourself, it’s like going to the gym to do one rep of biceps closer. We’ll achieve internal freedom slowly.